Moving to Kuching

I came to Sarawak in the 1987. I’d had worked for nearly a year and a half in Singapore after my return as a fresh graduate from the US. My mother had planned for me to buy my first car, my friends were all on a fast track on the corporate ladder. Some were preparing to further their studies and complete their Masters or PHDs. Others were on their way to investing into their first real estate. Some had continued to find jobs after their studies overseas and had no thoughts of returning to sunny Singapore.

It was a time when young Asian women of Singapore were moving up in landscape of modern Singapore. They filled jobs and positions that took them all over the world and would place them on the top lists of many headhunters ( business wise not Sarawakian style ) . Ambition drove them to networking. Work hours ran into the late pm and the hotspots in town were filled with ladies in shoulder padded suits carrying brief cases. Oh yes, the filofax was a big deal , a pre-cursor to today’s PDA. No matter that a small notebook bound in leather with replacable pages cost at least $300/- and above.. it was a must have to keep appointments and important contacts.. woe to the secretary or assistant who lost a page ! It was the era of pre- GIRL POWER!

At the height of all this dynamism.. I decided to get married and not only that.. I decided to get married and move to Sarawak.. GASP!

My mother ( who knew it was coming but nevertheless ) howled about how ungrateful I was and what a huge mistake it had been to send me off to the States. England .. had been her first choice. In England people had a sense of right and wrong, decorum and such But NOOOOO.. she sent me the the US of A because I saked and now I come home corrupted , believing in free will and what not!” What happened to filial piety? Gratitude? What about all the money I spent on you ? Have you no shame? What will the neighbours say?? Next door also like you the only child.. now she Doctor already still she stay with her parents! You go away for four years now want to live in SARAWAK! Why God so unkind to me .. what have I done wrong to deserve such treatment? Better I die lah ! “ ( and you think soap operas are melodramatic.. where do you think their material comes from?!)

My mother retreated in her room . For three days the drama continued. Sighs shattered the eerie silence of our home as my father retreated to his study and I to my corner of the house. We all avoided one another. Each preparing for the storm that was bound to come when Mum finally exhausted her boxes of tissues.

On the third day, she emerged. Teacup in hand and a half box of Kleenex. She walked right past me and went straight into my Dad’s study.. there for nearly an hour I heard them banter. “ She is our daughter and it’s her life.” I heard my dad say.
“ What kind of life will she lead in the jungles of Borneo?? You think lah! It must be the boy and the family “ charm “ her. Make her stupid and reject us for his family . My friends all tell me it is NOT possible she wants to go there . She live all her life in a big city. We send her to USA then now want to go where ? Kuching Sarawak !! What kind of life will she live?? !! What will people say ? “ shrieked my mum.

Then the voices grew quiet. That was when I started to panick. All this conversation I could predict but silence meant strategies were being formed against me… oh Lord help.

I ran out of the house. There were no handphones at the time and I needed to find some comfort somewhere. I called a friend. “ Su you are the only child . What did you expect? Anyway you are still young. Why on earth would you want to marry and live in Sarawak? Why don’t you get him to find a job here in Singapore? Ermm hold on, Yes, Yes I want the artwork on my desk.. by 4pm..no later..Ok sorry, these people just don’t know how to keep deadlines. Well ok, so what are your plans? Do you really think you can survive over there??”

“ Well I like Sara- wak an..” but I get cut off.“ Ah yah Su, you have a degree. You have education. Your parents only have you.What kind of life will it be for you ..what about job prospects? Oh darn, David, David take this and pass it to accounts immediately Immidiately ! ..ermm ok, so tell me how you feel about the whole thing” “ Well,, I would like to give Sarawak a try after all….” But she cuts in again. “ No, no you are not thinking with your head. Men are so many . So easy to find. How do you know he’s the one? You see I have no men in my life.. free and easy.. I am not tied down to anyone . I have no curfews on my time. What I earn I enjoy.. you’re so young.. your parents will be lonely . My God, where is Kuching? What will people say ? What ? ok, erm Su I’d love to talk but I have to go now, my boss just called. It will be ok. Just stay here and marry later . Just think what other people will say. ok bye.” Nnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg the dead tone rings in my ear.. no help there.

But that’s when it hit me. The impact of my decision was not merely about myself and my family. Because this is Singapore.. it will involve all the aunties the uncles and even the Thangachii who sweeps the road side near our house. And then as if on a magical que.. the old aunty roadsweeper passes me. I call out a greeting and she shakes her head at me with sad eyes “ Ai yoh yoh. Ai yoh yoh you young people these days..” and walks away.. wow news sure travels fast.

Ironic. My Asian parents send me to a Western country to learn and live in a western culture . At home we drink tea and have biscuits at 4pm ( a legacy of their own educational stint in Liverpool England ). When we have family dinner their conversation visits every part of the globe and the governments of other lands are pronounced backward and “ stuck in old times” . But today, Asianess rules and although Sarawak is only a 45minute flight from Singapore it’s spoken of as if I have chosen to live in Siberia.

My educated sophisticated friends can think of no other argument except “ what will people think and what career opportunities I would miss”. My aunts and uncles will look upon me as the ungrateful child who never made something of herself.

It dawned on me that I had decision to make. I was not simply asking their permission to marry. I was informing them of my intent. I struggle with that decision a long time before I return home. Flashes of past conversations about ghosts and hauntings ring loud in my head. My mother’s threats that even the ghost of my dead grandparents will rise up in ire. Listening to these thoughts in my head I think, what the heck. I have lived with them all my life.. perhaps they may like Sarawak too.