58 days and counting...

We went to KL for a few days of r and s... relax and shopping with my kids. The first time Jeff and I brought them down over the Christmas season my kids were fasinated with the lights, glitter . As the years went by.. the lights were still there but they became more absorbed with the shopping than with the lights outside !

Then this Christmas.. a shift..hardly noticeable and yet a hallmark of time. I was crossing the street and I felt a tiny hand reach out to me..and another at my elbow guiding me across the road. I let myself be guided by these young hands..hands which I have held all these years to cross numerous streets and led to safety in different occassions. I did'nt ask. It just happened. When did she know to do this? When did the roles shift?.. 58 days more mum.. she's yelping...bouncing on the sofa and asking " Will you miss me mum? It's just 58 days now."

This Christmas will be my last with my little girl.. in 58 days I will let her hand go ....

Mothers' Tales and the Empty Nest

" I cried and cried everyday. I wondered if he could make friends, if he could find his way around the campus.. it seemed so big.. what if he had nothing to eat.. what if he did'nt like the food.O told the father in uastalia where got Chaptiis?! I missed my son so much I flew to see him every month the first year ! And Cheh! Those girls overseas.. can never tell you know. Sooo different from our Asian families. So After his first year his father and I found him a bride from India!The wedding will be in 2012 when he graduates.. you come yah? ! "

Jane Worrimugam

" Nothing lah, I just put her on a plane and told her that if she needed anything ..call home. So many children go overseas everyday.. no big deal. Last time my parents only gave me enough money for the first year. I was expected to study and work for the rest of my tuition. These young people so dem lucky nowadays. "

Nancy Lim Wo Huei

" My husband and I just worried .. what if she cannot meet the high standards. What if she fail? If come home like that then the whoooolee family sure lose face one..how to face my relatives? My friends? Eh enter university no gaurantee come out with degree you know? My friend's daughter fail every year got to repeat. Of course eventually got graduate already and found job but we all know she kosong upstairs.. repeat and repeat sure passs one lah. .....then ah you know....No matchmaker in the world can find her a suitable husband! Girls study too much where got husband prospects?? "

Bibi Lilian Tang Ling Ling

"Our children were winning prizes for Elocution when they were 7! And I had them tutored by the very best teachers. All my children could recite the Chemistry tables by the time they were 10 ! I have nothing but high expectations for my children. Their father came from Oxford and I am a graduate of Cambridge. My children have always been in the top 3% of their classes. My daughter scored a string of A's and is the National award winner of the Young Writer's Guild in Cambridge by 11. My son was a awarded top prizes in Physics, Chemistry and a National prize in Biology. They have offers from Harvard and Princeton.. there is no doubt in my mind that my children were made for success. "

Dr Mary Evangelistika Crawford III -Tan K. Su

" Well the secret of my childrens' success overseas is that for every exam I fly over and I cook for them. You know with exam pressures and what not, they have no time to make nutritious meals so I leave my husband and fly over for an month or so to be with the kids. "

Mrs Beety Croker - Lee

Oh dear.. so much to look forward to..... 66 days to go....

Counting down the days...

67 days and counting... that's how many days it will before my eldset daughter leaves for Perth to study.. I remember her first day at St Teresa's she was so nervous and so was I . We woke up at 5.30am and after much fuss we bundled her into the car.. but not before she puked all over the front of her uniform

After a quick change she got to school.. while it was still dark. I remember her first friend.. Anastasia.. then it was time for parents to leave and I kissed my baby good bye only to rush to a nearby Friend's house and wait anxiously till recess time when I could peek in on her again to make sure she was ok.

She was fine.. running around and laughing with some girls she had made friends with.. but that was in Kuching.. Perth seems so far away.........

Changing landscapes

Someone asked me .. How do you know when you're still in love ?




Here are some of the ways....


-When you have something exciting to share and you look for that one person to share it with


-When your whole day has gone wrong and you know that when you tell him the day wont seem so bad


-When your hands fit into his


-When another girl looks his way and you want to scratch her eyes out


-When you feel lonely in a crowd of friends because he's not there.


-When everything you wanted to achieve in life seems hollow and empty unless you do it together.


-When you fight with each other but know that it will pass and that each fight isnt about winning or losing but just the ability to vent and trust that tomorrow you'll let go of things and get on with life.


-When you meet his parents and after all these years he still asks you first what you want and what you think


-When it's not Valentine's Day he still surprises you with a romantic moment


-When talking ceases and silence becomes conversation


-When you're far away from each other and you both seem to know who's on the phone when it rings


-When you care more about his feelings than you do yours


-When after you've married for 22 years and you still want want to spend quiet moments together.. yeah.. I would say you're still in love... The landscape may change but the love keeps you solid like a rock !

Public apology

I forgot to add in my profile that I am married to a wonderful man named Jeff in Sarawak.. He swept me off my feet 22 years ago...and I still havent landed. Night hon.

The stork didn't deliver me and neither did mum....

In my mother's day the older generation believed that if one could not give birth then they should adopt a child and because of the goodness of taking on someone else's unwanted child ,blessings would fall upon the family so that they would then conceive a child of their own.

Perhaps my parents thought the same would happen to them.. unfortunately after they adopted me.. they never had any other babies. so I guess I have been an exception to folk lore rules!


I remember asking mum once where I came from and the standard answer was given.. from the dustbin.( parents were not enlightened to sexual education at the time.).. On better days I was conceived by fairies and found by a lake, Angels brought me wrapped up in a blanket and .. ah yah , you just were .. no need to ask so many questions!


Before I was 7 I knew my cousins were adopted. My mother told me. She would be stirring a pot of kaya over the charcoal stove and she would say " Your grandmother saw that the family couldn't afford to feed another baby so she took so and so and promised to look after her and educate her.." " Yah they couldn't have a baby so they adopted your cousin.." She told me about everyone's life connections except mine.


I learnt I was adopted only as I was going to seal my mum's ashes 40 odd years later. Why did I ask such a question? I honestly cant say.. I asked because in my mother's generation there were so many versions of the truth and as they evolved they took on the wispy look of fairy tales . Things didn't quite add up and maybe because she wasn't alive it seemed ok to ask such an irreverent question..Am I really her daughter ?


So I was'nt from the dustbin. There was no stork with a huge beak.. I just was..but I was loved. I was cherished to the point of obsession. I was never told where I came from because I think she came to believe I really was hers. Has it made a difference to me ? Yes. Because now I understand her better . Her need to hide this from me and worrying all those years that if I ever found out I may have chosen to look for my birth mother. Her obsessiveness of wanting to keep me for herself and never let go... but she need'nt have worried that much.. she was all I knew of a mother and I was'nt looking for anyone else.

New Youth Blog

I decided to start a Youth blog for our young people at GNF so look us up at http://www.o2gnfyouth.blogspot.com/. It's currently under skin renovation by Andrea so it kinda looks like a funeral palor but we'll get there soon enough !

So this blog is just me.. my stories, my tales .. my merepek !

Simuti con'td..part 2

It was'nt all eat and play the Youth spent time learning about Leadership skills, worshipping together and Prayer Walking the land.

Here's Jeff giving the kids a session on self leadership.. Wow they look like they are really interested !!

Here's Amanda expressing herself and taking a step of boldness to overcome her shyness !!

A Great way to work off all those durians and snacks.. Prayer Walking the Kampung !! Lydia looks like she is on a treasure hunt!

Great worship sessions ! Look's like Savior King has become our adopted song for 2009!

Our James.. worshipping his handphone even though got no line in Simuti!!! Sighhhhhhhh........

Ritchie is the one playing the guitar. He used to just hang around GNf and Aunty Irene used him for painting and art.. hey.. the guy is now a Youth and song Leader !! Awesome!! Had a great time Praising and dancing !!

See that black " monkey"? Katrina?? She was taking a vidoe of me dancing !! We're all trying to flap our wings!!

This is faith in action.. we had no clue that we had to do anything that night. We did'nt even know there was a Youth meeting.. when the worship was over they announced " We want to welcome the Youth from GNF Kuching and we want to invite them to share the word tonite !!!

Yikes! We all looked at each other and then we sent James and Lydia up to share on Faith !! James was great in English and Lydia was a spectacular interpreter !! New talents were born and released that night !

To be Continued.........

A trip to Simuti...

This week end I went up to Simuti with my Youth leaders and we had a great time prayer walking and praying for people in this place. I went there in 1999 with the last batch of young people and this is the first time in 9 years I have brought another batch of kids. Why did it take so long??? Sighh... they say God's timing is perfect so I will hold on to that.These kids here were the first bunch of Youth I ever led. Most have graduated and are now graduates or grad students. It seems so long ago.

The present group of leaders are on their way through upper secondary school and it wont be long now before they too shall fly away to futher their studies !

Simuti is a sister church founded nearly 30 years ago by Pastor Graeme Fawcett and his wife Lucy from New Zealand. It used to take them fice hours walk with parangs to clear the grass to get all the way up from the base of the mountian to the very top where the church stands. Today we can drive up to Simuti but still have to climb some stairs to get to the actual village.

It's quite a trek uphill. I am glad the church is much easier to get to today !!

When we got to the village we recieved a very warm welcome. Padawan District in which Simuti lies is " the " area for Durians. The surrounding jungle at the back of the homes are littered with falling Durians. Jeff had a field day !

Jeff lost no time in opening the durians and the kids lost no time in digging into a fruity lunch!

I was'nt sure how we were going to get through the afternnoon. We still had some lessons and a prayer walk to complete. But I guess the kids knew exactly what they wanted to do after this....

After all that trekking and durians they could'nt move and we had to wait for the Sleeping Beauties to get their power nap before we could continue.

After some worship the team started to prayer walk Simuti

Then they took an Uno and junk food break while waiting for dinner

To be Continued........................................................

Get with it mum, he's only my friend....

In my mother's day boyfriends were potential marriage partners. They were screened by the father, the brothers , sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents.. everyone had a say .. " Ah yah, he got mole on the big toe.. no good". " I heard his father cheat Mr Wong in business !!! " " This one very good... he is studying to be a doctor ah .." how they knew all this .. I still dont know.

During dates there are chaperons .. either the brother or sister is the designated lampost and curfew was adhered to least the door be closed to future dates. A time when boys asked permission to hold hands and a date of more than 3 times meant the couple was " serious". And if the couple had been going out for more than a month marriage was expected. The word " jilted " rang with mystery and intrigue as to what had caused the break-up.

When a boy or girl was invited over for Chinese New Year or a family event.. they were most certainly "meeting the family" and soon some ancient aunty would sally forth with a marriage proposal to the girl's family.. days of love letters, hand holdings.. anything beyond the hand was reserved for the dance floor in the public eye.

Photographs were of the studio kind, simple poses and close up shots resembling Clark Gabel, Vivan Leigh or Judy Garland... sighs were fashionable, giggles appropriate and love notes exchanged. Hahaha how those days have flown.

Today its the time of cuba cuba sajah, macam macam ada ... Dating starts with .. group dates where kids pair off anyway.. love letters? Dont waste their time.. it's the age of sms and chats on the net. No bus or bicycles to get to their dates either.. mums and dads are allowed to drop their kids off at malls, Starbucks and Coffeebean.. provided they never stop the engine and park but get on their way once the kid has arrived at the date venue..If you ask to see their date.. they groan and say , no need lah, why like dat. friend also cannot..

Ice Kachang and kacang puteh??? Hahahahaha... it's Starbucks mum get with it.. where one coffee with a fancy name costs 12 ringgit a pop..a cake which we can easily bake tastes sweeter at 6.50! And movies??? In KL I experieced the Premier Theatres.. at RM 14 per seat you get a couples seat with a cup holder and a small bag of pop corn which you are supposed to share with your date.. I am glad I dont date cos I needed the whole bag for myself !!

Then Confusion.. My daughter's best friend ( ?? ) was/is a guy and they share everything from gossip to shopping but dont date.. however they do talk about the people they like. They trade secrets and they lend each other a sympathetic ear.. but they are not a couple.. yeap .. get with it mum .. he's just a friend.

Then her friend takes her out and they go shopping with other girls and come Valentine's day he's bought her a gift.. I raise an eye brow.. get with it mum, I also sent stuff to my classmates and friends.. he's just a friend.

A handphone pops up and it's not hers... whose is it I ask? ... oh my friend is travelling and we traded phones.. it's just for fun.. ah yah mum, he's just a friend.

It's Christmas now and they've been friends a while. The flights are full and he cant get back. Mum my friend is stuck in KL and might have to spend Xmas alone.. so sad.. Do you want him back here for Christmas I ask? Of course mum, he's my friend.

The phone beeps an sms for over an hour. I look at my daughter.. and sigh .. Yah,I know it's only your friend...