My parents migrated to Singapore when Singapore was Malaysia. Both of them came from poverty stricken families in a kampung in Klang where they struggled during the Japanese years and both knew then, that education was the way out of poverty for them. My dad went to Singapore and later he got a scholarship to study in Liverpool and my mother against great odds became the first Chinese Principal of a Malay integrated school.
Upon their return from England they spent their years repaying their debts, money they had borrowed to be in England at the time. My father rose up quickly in the government ranks and eventually became the first chief town planner of Singapore.. Then I guess I appeared.
I can't say my life was filled with struggles or hardship then. In fact it was the opposite. I have lived a life most young kids those days envied.. I traveled with my parents when I was 6 to the United Nations where my dad spoke on the urbanization of Singapore, I visited Israel , Disneyland.. it was pretty wild. Our home was always filled with maids , cooks and the gardener and his family lived on the premises.. like a chapter out of Gossip Girls.Then one day.. it all disappeared. I came home from music lessons and my home was in disarray. My father had disappeared and we didn't know where he had gone for nearly 2 days. Overnight our world changed. friends who used to visit stopped visiting. Friends who curried favor with my parents would swiftly change direction if they saw us approaching. The servants began to leave one by one. Newspapers screamed headlines we ourselves found worth of the soap opera Dynasty !
It was a strange time for a 9 year old. My father eventually came back after a failed suicide attempt and my mum continued to principal the school but life as we had known it was permanently altered. My father stopped working and my mother supported both of us. Her world made smaller now for the lack of friends who once came by every Sat for tea. By now ,not only friends had disappeared.. family who once visited us frequently now dwindled.
My mother eventually retired after a near break down and then she started giving tuition . And with that simple job my mother shouldered the weight of the household, a jobless husband and eventually with all her savings she sent me to study in the US.
We went from hero to zero. There were no holidays. There were no luxuries. My mum and I spent most of our mornings in Ghim Mo where the market people and us became fast friends. Believe me , we never lacked for food and I was never too shy to ask. Achee the road sweeper who had always enjoyed a cup of tea at our house.. continued to have tea till I went away.
My friends had birthday parties at big hotels.. and my mum and I would pack in all the food and have a party on our landing and pretend it was something fancy, My birthday was big with my mum. It was as if she felt she had to make up for the lack and so I'll bet I was the only teenager who got a multitude of gifts to make up for the girls who never came over to celebrate with me and give me presents. It was also a time when she limited my going out. While most girls had curfews at 12am.. mine was 10.30pm .. when the party started..because any later the kids would drift off to supper and she did'nt want me to get " caught out".
I remember a time when I borrowed a dress for a party and my mother went ballistic! I couldn't understand it then.. ( my daughter borrows and and lends all the time ).. but now with hind sight I see how much that would hurt her. The shame of having to borrow a dress perhaps which she could not pay for. Borrowing money was another great taboo.. if we did'nt have the cash.. we would just not have the goods. Hence till today I resist loans from Banks !!
But through all these times I never grew bitter. If Mum gave it to me I had it.. and if I did'nt I never lacked. God never allowed me to strive and He never showed me lack of favor..if at all I had no qualms about borrowing ( except for money ) or just simply saying " I dont have enough" I had no shame either :) .. perhaps my mother's over zealousness had taken its toll on me.. I have no problem saying I need your help.. and God provided many people who walked through my life and provided for my every need.
So do I not appreciate money because I always have had it?... I appreciate what money can do. I appreciate that we need it to survive. Perhaps I did'nt struggle with lack of food or lack of education. But I know shame . I know the pain of being publicly humiliated and living with people who look at money as everything in their lives. I watched my parents who were once happy diminished in the public eye for something I still dont understand. I lived with my mother who never got over the trauma and lived her last days alone and embittered in a fairy world of what could have been. I am not callous towards wealth.. but I have lived enough to know that if I make it my center.. with all the wealth in the world I will still be a very poor woman.
Today I value relationships.. I value the thought behind the money, the thought behind a gift. I value the time spent with friends who won't turn their backs on me when my chips are down. I value the people who have come into my life and added richly to it and I miss those who have passed on. I value Jesus who walked me through every situation long before I knew who He really was. These are things money can't buy.
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